Dear Saints, 'Aints and Others..
This year Jesus is my Valentine, and frankly there is no way
he will be yours this year...if ever...
He and I have made arrangements to have a romantic sojourn into The
Past (His). Which means that our relationship is serious enough to
warrant me meeting his parents! I mean finally. I will actually be
meeting JC's Parents! Can you imagine how nervous I'm feeling? If
anyones ever dated a god before perhaps we can exchange notes on
etiquette regarding this occasion.
It was His idea that initially sprung from my remark that I wanted
Valentines to be special and unique, to the point where no man or
woman could possibly top it. Sometimes a room filled with Thorntons
chocolates on a yearly basis as a Valentines Love Gift becomes
positively blasé. So Jesus having been inspired, and I do speculate
as to whether he and the Holy Spirit had a chinwag about this, has
set the wheels in motion.
And I am quite excited about this upcoming event of the
Millennium.
Jesus has talked me through the process it will be done in the same
vein that he took John The Jailed Illiterate Visionary to Heaven
who saw those psychedelic creatures with eyes all over their bodies
who spoke the Queens English immaculately (have you noticed
foreigners usually do speak English perfectly- better than the
Natives?) whenever praising god or dispatching some latest news
(usually of an impending disaster) that they had in store for the
world..
But in this instance we'll be physically going back in time and
both of us will be able to engage his friends and families without
affecting any Laws or Timelines...well…. theoretically..…. nothing
of importance should be affected…... except Jesus did say that
there is a strong possibility that the only negative outcome of our
experience could mean that what was once upon a time a fact (the
existence and life of jesus) will become works of fiction trying to
become a fact.
But.…. He’s willing to sacrifice all (once again) out of love for
me.
What a Guy!
So you can well imagine existing in any century where originally
Jesus was real and fully documented and then in a blink of an eye
you can well imagine the horrors of living in the same century
where Jesus becomes a Myth and Legend. The consolation (if it can
possibly be called that) is that with becoming non factual means
that at least the Church will still be able to produce an all time
bestseller: The Bible… And Jesus of course becomes even more of a
legend in Christians own minds.
So hopefully upon our return nothing will have changed, at least
not too much or too obviously.
When we come back to the present I’ve been promised a mini tour of
Heaven but will be spending most of the evening in His new Abode:
The Jesus Hotel, this is a kind of greeting place for New Arrivals
and there we will be commemorating our love with fresh pledges, an
exchange of silly gifts as well as hormones and as a special treat
I can fire or demote one of the Angaelic Servants.
Apparently Michael has been getting on everyones nerves…. it is
strongly suspected that his disposition derives from Penis Envy
which explains a lot. Freud has been reinstated along with a few
others who were once hailed as undesirables, but because of the
Forgiving Nature of Jesus He has taken it upon Himself to make
exceptions to almost every Biblical Rule made upon Earth.
This of course won’t affect peoples perceptions in Earth (unless of
course Jesus slips the info out to His Flock) but will come as a
mild shock for those Believers who thought, prayed and hoped that
Heaven would be Boring. Apparently Jesus finally realised how
tedious Heaven would be after taking note that ALL of the most
interesting and stimulating people will be residing in Hell.
Clearly an Oversight from God that Jesus as part trinity has now
corrected.
Glory!