St Winifred's University
Workshop:
Praising God With Our Bodies - Women only!
Dear Students in Christ
"Draw me, we will run after thee:
the king hath brought me into his chambers:
we will be glad and rejoice in thee,
we will remember thy love more than wine:
the upright love thee." Song of Solomon 1:4
As you all know with our new semester commencing we have had to
make alterations to a few of the programmes we are running and this
term, only minor changes affect the workshops and seminars:
Praising God With Our Bodies, that our blessed teachers in Christ:
Sisters Trichomoniasis, Condyloma Acuminata and Treponema Pallidium
are facilitating. Students are advised that the course schedules
will remain the same, however course content has been amended and
is as follows:
Praising
God With Our Bodies:
Beginners
Workshop 1: Theory and Practical: Shaving the Burning Bush
Workshop 2: Theory and Practical: Exploring our inner moist
sanctum
Workshop 3: Theory: Laying on of hands
Workshop 4: Practical: Exploring the saints delight in
paradise
Workshop 5 : Practical: Cumming in the name of the Holy Lord
NB:
Students are advised to bring their own mirrors
etc...
Praising
God With Our Bodies:
Intermediary
Workshop 1: Practical: G-spot heaven- the praise centre for
worshipping God
Workshop 2: Practical: The clitoris our joy beacon in Christ
Workshop 3: Theory and Practical Stimulation: Parting the sea
Workshop 4: Theory and Practical Simulation: Parting the red
sea
Workshop 5: Theory: The position missionary and other forms of
praising God
NB:
Students are advised to bring their own vibrators and dildoes
etc.
Praising God With Our Bodies:
Advanced
Workshop 1: Practical Stimulation: Speaking in tongues
Workshop 2: Practical Stimulation: Kneeling at the altar
Workshop 3: Theory : Mark of the beast and lamp of life cumming
together in the Lord
Workshop 4: Practical: Heaven and the lamp of life cumming together
in the Lord
Workshop 5: Theory: Beware of Widows Mites
N.B:
Students are advised to bring to the workshops
their own vibrators and dildos and other toys.
Certain accessories will be provided by the course
tutors.
Students will find below a glossary of terminology which will be
used throughout the whole of the semester.
Notice
"A bundle of myrrh is my well beloved unto me;
he shall lie all night betwixt my breasts." Song of Solomon
1:13
Sisters Trichomoniasis, Condyloma Acuminata and Treponema Pallidium
cordially invite you to a private soiree where they will be
demonstrating the secret Christian Karma Sutra to novices and
acolytes as a joyous festival of loving in the name of the Lord.
This mini festival will be recorded and added as source material
for the workshops and seminars that they will be
facilitating.
Glossary
"My hands dropped with myrrh, and my
fingers with sweet smelling myrrh, upon the handles of the lock. I
opened to my beloved..." Song of Solomon 5:5-6
The following are christian jargon with subliminal sexual
connotations and sexual terminology influenced by the church and
religious terminology co-opted as sexual code.
Burning bush - an aroused female
Dry bones - male impotence
Female - from the Latin, femina, meaning "without faith."
Heaven - female genitals
Kneeling at the altar - meaning: to take the submissive position in
a sexual encounter
Lamp of life - penis
Mark of the beast - this term was used in the 18th century to
describe female genitalia
Missionary position - the only sexual position sanctioned by the
Catholic Church
Nebuchadnezzar - penis
Paradise - female genitals
Parting the sea - intercourse with a woman
Parting the red sea - intercourse with a woman during
menstruation
Speaking in tongues - cunnilingus
Saints delight - vagina
Snake - penis
Widows mites - genital parasites
Bibliography
"Sexual Slang" by Alan Richter, Ph.D.