The Real Good News! God restored my
virginity by Sister Amelia
Dear brothers and sisters in Christ
"The body is not meant for fornication. It is for the Lord and the
Lord for the body.
God, who raised the Lord from the dead, will, by His power, raise
us up too.
You know, surely, that your bodies are members making up the body
of Christ.
But anyone who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him..
since you received Him from God…
You are not your own property, you are bought and paid for."
-excerpt from the Archbishop of Canterbury's sermon based on 1
Corinthians 13-20.
As God's diminutive buxom soldier and
personal escort service provider for Christ, I am excited, thrilled
and almost nearing the point of spiritual orgasm to tell you the
Good News. God has restored my virginity! Yes, my hymen is once
again intact and protecting my womanhood. Praise! Gone are the days
of being a professional, immoral and decadent hussy, now I can be a
true spiritual libertine and ministering strumpet for
Jehovah.
"Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord, and the
Lord for the body." 1 Corinthians 6:13
On Fire For God!
God and I often consult and converse
with each other on His E.S.P telephone. It has been known that God
may leave me a message through dreams, visions or when I am
meditating in my plush garden. So you can imagine my surprise when
God unexpectedly announced His Presence to me while I was taking a
bath (goats milk with orange and ginger, lovingly prepared by my
Sisters in Christ who always pamper me), in my sumptuous and chic
bathroom.
God told me, (after He had apologised for interrupting my
well-deserved time out from the world and his wife). That He was
going to perform a mighty miracle in me to show the world that He
really is the one and only for real Living God; and not some
pretentious back water fiction like some others He could
mention.
"Know ye
not that your bodies are the members of Christ?" 1 Corinthians
6:15
Effortlessly levitating me in mid air,
I felt the Lord's hands touching my body. His touch left me feeling
a tingling sensation all over. My heart beat quickened, breasts
heaved, my nipples were erect and pert and my needy moist Womanly
Mystery was on holy fire as God worked His almighty healing touch
upon me. I was so overcome that spiritual waves upon waves washed
over me and increased in magnitude. I was moaning with ecstasy,
delight and joy. It was almost as if I were slain in the spirit
because the next thing I remember is being on my hands and feet and
supplicating God's Holy Finger!
Hallelujah!
A heavenly hour later, when He had finished His cigar, Yahweh
disclosed that He had healed and rejuvenated my body. Lo and behold
my hymen was restored as a gift. Jehovah promises that He will
perform this miracle to all the Daughters in Christ who perform for
God as exquisitely and professionally as I do. This will be a
witness and testimony to His faithfulness.
Glory!
"But he
that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit." Corinthians
6:17
When God left me to go about His
business (mumbling something about "Sure, I'll call you sometime
doll."), I immediately rushed out and called my Sisters in Christ
to examine me. Needless to say none have His touch, which really
proves that only a man can really know a woman. Which was why
Mother Superior and I insisted on Father Frenulum and several
doctors to authenticate this miracle. Which I have to say they did
to theirs and my satisfaction.
Immoral Of The Story
If we are to follow God and His inerrant Word then the message is
clear. We must be "joined unto the Lord and be one spirit with
Him." For we are His vessels to be used as He wills.
"You are not your own property. You
have been bought and paid for." 1 Corinthians 6:20