Dearly Beloved, Anointed and Patently
Frustrated in Christ,
"How pleasant art thou, O love, for
delights!..Thy breasts shall be as clusters of the vine." Song of
Solomon 7:6-8
There's nothing more refreshing than taking a stroll in my
favourite garden to the Secret Glade that the Lord and I value so
much. It is here that He "layeth me down to rest" on a bed of
leaves and grass and goes down on me to minister a good licking to
my frustrations where He laps the sea and shore of me.....
You're so good my Lord!
Point of fact, it's getting to the stage where God and I have
agreed that if He wants an audience with me, then as recompense for
using up my valuable time in impromptu visits, He must pay homage
to my Garden of Delight. This has been written into the pre nuptial
contract. An idea that I found appealing from reading about the
informative T'ang Dynasty Empress, Wu Hu (683 -705 AD), who
insisted that all visiting dignitaries perform oral sex on her as a
way of paying homage. In fact, I'm thinking of insisting that
everyone who consults me should pay me homage in this fashion. As
some shameless, slutty and ungodly actress (Andie Mcdowell) puts
it, quite poignantly and succinctly:
"Because I am worth it" and God knows it's so true.
It really goes without saying, that our Lord is very adept in the
arts of love, after all He did inspire Solomon to write the first
Good Sex Guide. But you know, even though Jehovah is very skilled
in love making, I have been known to teach Him new things and given
Him a few tips. He does like to role-play on occasions but only
when He has a window in His demanding schedule.
Inside Gossip
"Thy two breasts are like two young
roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies." Song of Solomon
5:2
Jehovah has promised to make me His Wife of Wives which will
supersede the "Bride of Christ" promise to the faithful. But this
will happen when He can dispose of, I mean move aside discreetly,
Mary the Blessed Holy Virgin icon of Catholicks. But for now I have
to content myself as being one of His many literal Hand Maidens. As
Lilith said "Yahweh is a typical man slut who is greedy for
variation. He just can't get enough! So like a man," she sighs
"After a good romp in the hay He just goes straight to sleep.
Typical! He may be God but He needs to apply Himself when it comes
to romance." Thank God He's not a wham- bam -thank -you- mam guy,
although even His quickies are heavenly. "Comparing Him to Adam,
God is a God in bed." Agrees Lilith and she should know. After all,
Lilith dumped small minded Adam, who was equally small where it
counted, because it was apparent that he could only get it on in
the missionary position.
Adam, if only you had read the Karma Sutra, Lilith wouldn't have
left you.
Lilith became the Lord's Consort and then First Wife of the
Almighty. She was later replaced by the Lord's latest bit of skirt
- Mary. Who rumour has it is having a discreet affair with Gabriel
a latter day Lancelot and Guinevere. They're all at it in
Heaven!
Voyeuring God
"Ye shall not tempt the Lord your
God." Mathew 4:7, Luke 4: 12
The Lord says that quite a few times in the Bible, but the Faithful
Handmaidens in Christ like myself know this to be quite contrary to
His acts. Why, it was only yesterday that He disclosed to me that
He has His very own Heavenly Spy Cam©, which He uses everyday on
me. But I think He's lying, because I know that He likes to voyeur
and the Lord's Holy Eye has a habit of spitting and dribbling on
Sister Labia when she's naked and down on all fours praying and
ministering to the Lord. I wonder sometimes too if the Lord is
bisexual. Apparently the late Bishop James Bendover and other Godly
sons of Christ have disclosed that God, on numerous occasions has
been known to navigate their windward passages when they too have
been on all fours placating and supplicating Our Lord...
Nasty Lord nasty.
That is one kinky fetish that the Lord doesn't need or want of me,
so far...
This supports many a speculation that God is bisexual. After all
how did He sate his needs and frustrations in pre creation times
with those all male Ministering Angels of His? I shall make a
mental note to ask Him next time we meet in the Garden of
Delight.
"I am a
wall, and my breasts like towers; then was I in his favour." Song
of Solomon 8:10