Worksheet: 1
The Bible: The Ultimate Handbook And Guide To Sex
Dear students in Christ
"Then Zipporah took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her
son, and cast it at his feet, and said, Surely a bloody husband art
thou to me." Exodus 4:25
The Bible Study (B.S) worksheets will endeavour to inform the
novice on God’s opinions of sex and how we as followers of biblical
tradition should adhere to The Bible: The Ultimate Handbook And
Guide To Sex. In this worksheet we shall be covering a wide range
of topics from sex advice and tips to fetishes all biblically based
of course. We would like to start with the celebration of the
sexuality, sensuality and eroticism of the older woman in biblical
times and focus on how the older woman was revered and venerated in
the Bible not just by mere mortal men but by Jehovah too.
What better way to commence this than by remembering a biblical
heroine, grandmother and sex siren: Sarah.
You’re Never Too Old
"I sat down under his shadow with
great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste." Song of
Solomon 2:3
Sarah, wife, sister and confidante to Abraham comes centre stage
when she and her husband are journeying through Egypt. Not only
does she capture the attention of the Egyptians but also the roving
eye of Pharaoh. She is regarded as the Joan Collins and Elizabeth
Taylor of her time. Her sensuality, sexuality and sexual experience
clearly holds dominion over men. But even though we may find it
repugnant that any gender from the age of 50-70 onwards can be
attractive to the opposite sex. The Bible clearly shows us that men
in biblical times were not averse to bedding women who were no
longer able to bear them children.
The ultimate in safe sex?
"And it came to pass, that, when Abram
was come into Egypt,
the Egyptians beheld the woman that she was very fair.
The princes also of Pharaoh saw her, and commended her before
Pharaoh:
and the woman was taken into Pharaoh's house." Genesis
12:14-15.
God as we know is our one true lover in fact the ultimate Sugar
Daddy and even He cannot resist the chit of a girl - 70 year old
sex siren Sarah. "And the LORD visited Sarah as he had said, and
the LORD did unto Sarah as he had spoken. For Sarah conceived, and
bare Abraham a son in his old age, at the set time of which God had
spoken to him." Geneis 21:1-2.
NB
The words "knew" and "visited" are subliminal sexual connotations.
In other words the real meaning of "knew" and "visited" means: to
have "sexual intercourse with."
Fetish
"This is my covenant, which ye shall
keep, between me and you and thy seed after thee;
Every man child among you shall be circumcised.
And ye shall circumcise the flesh of your foreskin;
and it shall be a token of the covenant betwixt me and you."
Genesis 17:10-11
The Bible gives us guidelines from health and hygiene advice to
romantic love gifts. So boys, if you’re wanting to woo your
girlfriend then take biblical advice and send her foreskins. She
will be delighted and ecstatic. In fact you will see her blushing
and gushing with pride. To wear a man’s foreskin is every chaste
girl’s dream, trust me. It worked not only for Saul and David but
also for the whole Israeli community. Girls, if he loves you then a
real man will go out of his way to remove his rivals foreskins or
even his own. This message conveys to you his undying love and if
you have plans to marry, then boys, a dowry of a hundred or so
foreskins is just what every girl needs. "And Saul said, Thus shall
ye say to David, The king desireth not any dowry, but an hundred
foreskins of the Philistines, to be avenged of the king's enemies.
But Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the
Philistines." 1 Samuel 18:25.
Foreskins are also potent talismans of good luck. Wearing one or a
handful will assure you of God’s benevolent will. You will become
rich, blessed and in our Lord’s eternal favour once you don this
erotic jewellery. "At that time the LORD said unto Joshua, Make
thee sharp knives, and circumcise again the children of Israel the
second time. And Joshua made him sharp knives, and circumcised the
children of Israel at the hill of the foreskins. And this is the
cause why Joshua did circumcise: All the people that came out of
Egypt, that were males, even all the men of war, died in the
wilderness by the way, after they came out of Egypt." Joshua
5:2-4
Incidentally in Jerusalem there is a shop and street named Foreskin
Hill after the events just described and to this day it is widely
propitiated by men and women who seek good fortune or wish to give
their loved one a genuine good luck charm.
Peepshow: Creepshow
"The spirit of man is the candle of the Lord, searching all the
inward parts of the belly." Proverbs 20:26
You may have noticed that our Lord isn’t averse to having the odd
tumble in the hay with another man’s wife: "And the Lord visited
Hannah [again], so that she conceived." 1 Samuel 2:21. Yet even
though infidelity was scorned later on in the Bible, Deuteronomy
22:22, this still doesn’t stop our Lord from having His wicked way
with a married woman. In fact our Lord likes to titillate Himself
at the expense of others with entertaining peepshows such as acts
of sexual mutilation Ezekiel 29: 7-9, exhibitionism Isaiah 2-5, and
any sexual excess that His insatiable desires are want to take Him,
including date rape Isaiah 3:17.
Bare in mind - Jehovah is after all outside the Law and any rules
He makes means that He is not subject to them.
Summary
"Come, let us take our fill of love
until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves." Proverbs
7:18
Sex, sexuality, fetishes and perversions are quite diversified in
the Bible. So it stands to reason that the Bible should in effect
be renamed the Biblical Good Sex Guide or alternatively be hailed
as The Karma Sutra: Christian Version. With this in mind, Sister
Amelia And Jesus Ministries™ presents "Blush" an informative and
educational video, based on biblical teaching for the discerning
Christian who desires sexual enhancement, advice, tips and
clarification on how to enjoy sex: biblical style.
Glory!